Should I keep working on my marriage? Is the idea of “working” on your marriage draining you and your relationship?
Stop Working On Your Marriage!!
We have all heard that relationships take work. And while that is true, here is a thought that can literally change your relationship and the joy you have in growing it and building something great.
Yes you should stop working on your marriage and make your relationship a hobby you are passionate about!
Nobody likes work. The very word conjures up images and thoughts of drudgery and exhaustion and struggle. When we think of work we don’t typically think of happy thoughts. We think of enduring until the weekend when we can go engage in our hobby which comes with thoughts of joy and happiness and pleasure. There is an excited anticipation when we think about our hobby.
What if we were to reframe our thinking from “working on our relationship” to treating our marriage like we do our hobby? I don’t mean for this to trivialize the marriage or relationship in any way. But think about the differences for a moment.
- Things we do without pay
- Things we do for fun and enjoyment
- Things we want to learn more about and get better at
- Things we invest time into doing well
- Things we want to master and continue to excel at
- Things we create and carve out time for
- Things we are intentional about prioritizing
- Things we talk about with enthusiasm
- Things we will actually hire a coach to help us improve
I love golf. Golf is a hobby I enjoy. Interestingly enough, golf, like my relationship, is not always without challenges and frustrations that cause 4 letter words to come to mind. And yet there is something about my “relationship” with golf that causes me to want to improve and learn and practice. In fact, even the “practicing” is something I enjoy as hard as it is sometimes. I have paid good money to play golf and I have carved out time to invest in my golf game. It is something I want to spend time with.
What if we had a hobby mentality with our partner? Think of when you were dating. Dating didn’t feel like work. Something I endured all week looking forward to the weekend when I could get away and go play. In fact, dating was something that was compelling. My “hobby” was always on my mind. I looked for ways to spend time with her and I invested myself in being my best for her. I found ways to be with her and when I wasn’t with her I was thinking about her. In fact, I found a way to talk with her every day one way or another. When I talked to others about the things I loved I talked about her with excitement and enthusiasm.
I didn’t get paid to spend time with her.
I spent time because I wanted to not because I had to.
I treated her more like my hobby than I did my job and the outcomes of that were joy, happiness, growth and fulfillment and eventually my hobby turned into my career and I became a full time, “professional.” We got married and then it didn’t take long for the mindset to shift from “hobby” to “work.”